


Happy Birthday

by schwartz1e



Category: BomBARDed (Podcast)
Genre: march of the arts 2018, mota2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-07-01 01:42:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15764025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schwartz1e/pseuds/schwartz1e
Summary: Now that Randy has left the Nowhere Man and is with people who actually care about him, there’s no way his birthday will be anything less than perfect. Right?





	Happy Birthday

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 1 year anniversary, BomBARDed! And happy March of the Arts, Kia!
> 
> Many thanks to the bardchord for being wonderful, and the boards themselves for creating such a wonderful podcast. Here’s to many more years of jammin’!

Despite how sneaky Randy is on any given day, subtlety is not his strong suit, especially when it comes to his birthday. Ever since he was young, he would spend the week or two before the day dropping hints about what he wanted or how he wanted to spend the day. Even when he was with the Nowhere Man, he still fell into the habit, even though all of his requests, and his birthday itself, went ignored. Now that he’s at Strumlotts, with Splash and Raz’ul and Yashee, he has some hope that his birthday can once again be the happy occasion it should be.

Raz’ul and Yashee’s birthdays were both earlier on in the year, so he was able to see and take part in the planning and execution of their parties. He knew what Chaos Sauce was capable of in regards to how epic and fun parties could be, so he had high expectations. 

Exactly two weeks before his birthday, he mentioned that it was coming up soon, and wouldn’t it be great if they got Alto Brown to make that braised boar he had for his first meal at Strumlotts? His bandmates agreed, and then went back to doing their homework.

Two days later, Randy just so happened to be polishing a few of his older daggers.

“Ugh,” he said, “these things just don’t shine like they used to. And all of these scratches and nicks are impossible to get out. Wish I had some new ones.” Raz’ul was fiddling around on Usumptin and just made a noncommittal noise. Yashee seemed to be too absorbed in the book Tabitha had loaned her to listen to him. Randy frowned but didn’t say anything else.

That weekend, the halfling managed to work into various conversations his birthday meal again, his desire for a new rogue rock poster that he was missing, and where he wanted his birthday party to take place. Every single one of these conversation topics were somehow deflected or danced around, and Randy was starting to get frustrated. 

It would be one thing if his bandmates had just told him that they couldn’t do anything for his birthday. He would’ve understood completely. It’s not like they have steady jobs with consistent paychecks. But seeing them shy away from any mention of his birthday was really starting to hurt. He almost would’ve prefered the outright mockery of his birthday that the Nowhere Man did instead of this back-handed ignorance. 

Randy was persistent, though, and kept trying all through the next week to get Raz’ul and Yashee to acknowledge his birthday. But still, every attempt was met with shrugs or quick changes in conversation. Randy went to sleep the night before his birthday with a strange mix of excitement and unease in his stomach.

When he wakes up that morning, he doesn’t immediately open his eyes. A part of him is hoping that Yashee and Raz’ul are lying in wait to surprise him. Maybe they decorated his room while he slept! He spends a few more minutes just lying there, preparing for his imagined surprise--what he will say, how he’ll act. Finally, Randy opens his eyes and sits up, grinning.

His room is empty. 

Randy sighs, his shoulders slumping. Then, he hears a smooth chuckle in the back of his head.

“Heeey, birthday boy,” Eddie says. “Not quite what you wanted to wake up to, huh?”

“No, definitely not,” Randy thinks. This most certainly is not what he wants or needs on today of all days. 

“Real unfortunate that your ‘friends’ couldn’t be bothered to do anything for your birthday,” Eddie says. He almost sounds truly sad for Randy, but the halfling knows not to trust him. 

“I’m sure they just planned something for later,” Randy thinks. “Maybe they made me breakfast!” With that, Randy gets out of bed and gets dressed. He walks into Chaos Sauce’s dorm’s common room.

No one is there. 

He walks back down the hallway but both Raz’ul and Yashee’s doors are closed. 

“Maybe they’re still asleep,” he thinks. “Maybe they were up late planning a party and slept through their alarms.” Eddie laughs again.

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, Randy,” he says. “Whatever makes you feel better.” Randy frowns and goes back into his room. He’ll wait until they wake up and find out what they have planned for him soon enough.

Hours pass and Randy doesn’t hear his bandmates stir. He’s spent the time alternating between playing his organ and pretending to do his homework. It’s getting close to lunch time and Randy’s stomach growls. He sighs and gets out of bed for the second time that day, ignoring Eddie’s condescending laughter. 

He walks past Yashee’s room, and then stops and goes back to her door. He knocks. There’s no answer. Gently, he pushes open the door to find her bed neatly made, her hammer mallets on her desk, but no Yashee. A peak into Raz’ul’s room reveals a similar sight. He had even left Axe Usumptin in its stand. Randy closes the door. 

“Poor, poor, Randy,” Eddie says. “Left alone on your birthday by the only people you trust and love. That’s rough. Sure would be nice to show them just how upset you are.”

“I’m not upset!” Randy says, out loud. Then he crosses his arms with a huff. Maybe he is a little upset. 

“C’mon, Randy,” Eddie hisses. “You helped plan both their parties and got them great gifts. And what have they done for you so far? Wouldn’t a little revenge feel good?” Randy considers it for a moment and then shakes his head. Eddie persists, saying, “How else will they know how much they’ve hurt you? It only makes sense to hurt them in return. Come on, Randy. Just sneak on back in to Raz’ul room. There’s a lot of breakable stuff in there--his potpourri bowl, his desk. His axe.” 

At that, Randy leaps back and away from Raz’ul’s door, horrified. 

“No! No, I can’t break Usumptin! What’s wrong with you?” Randy quickly turns and walks into the common room, shaking his head. Break Umsumptin...Yeah, Randy’s upset, but there’s no way he could ever be THAT upset, to do something like that to Raz’ul. Besides, it’s only noon. They have the whole day to prove to Randy that they didn’t forget his birthday. He decides to head down to the cafetorium and get lunch. 

On his way there, he happens to see Tabitha, Ilda and Gareth walking down the hallway toward him. They’re all carrying large bags and don’t notice him right away. Randy walks a little faster.

“Hey guys!” he says brightly. Maybe now he can finally get some answers as to where Yashee and Raz’ul are. Maybe someone will finally acknowledge his birthday. However, to his dismay, the three bards look surprised to see him, and they speed up in turn.

“Hello, Randy,” Tabitha says as she rushes past him. “Um, good to see you! We have to...uh, we have an appointment so...we’ll see you around!” Randy slows to a halt as they walk around him and keep going down the hallway. They’re whispering as the turn the corner and disappear. 

“Oh, Randy--” Eddie starts, trying to sound sympathetic.

“Shut up, you,” Randy thinks, and continues to make his way toward the cafe. 

Randy walks in and orders his food with no problems. No one stops him. No one recognizes him. No one says anything to him. His stomach turns. He’s not very hungry anymore, but he gets his food and searches for a table regardless. 

As he’s about to sit down at an empty table, he suddenly spots Yashee and Raz’ul huddled together in a corner, eating and talking. Randy feels a lot of complicated emotions well up inside him all at once. He wants to yell, and cry, and throw his food at his bandmates, and beg them to explain why they’ve been ignoring him on his birthday. Instead, he takes a deep breath and tries to smile as he walks over to the other two bards.

“Hi, guys!” Randy says a little too loudly, putting his tray down. Yashee and Raz’ul look up at him and smile.

“Hey, Randy,” Yashee says. “You slept late. What’s up?” 

Randy slips a little getting into his chair but he recovers quickly enough. He firmly ignores Eddie’s faux-disappointed voice saying, “They really, truly forgot,” and manages to fix his wavering smile. 

“Uh, not much,” he says. “Just, you know. Stuff. How are you guys?” Yashee gives a thumbs up, her mouth full, and Raz’ul says, “Good,” and they all continue eating in silence. Randy can barely keep down more than three bites of his food. He feels like he’s back with the Nowhere Man. His stomach hurts. Eddie laughs. 

There’s a tinkling in Yashee’s bag and she frantically fishes out her Ira Glass. Randy hears Splash’s voice for just a second before Yashee muffles it with her hand. 

“One sec, Splash!” she says loudly and then shoots a frantic glance at Raz’ul, who’s already standing.

“Uh, we’ll see you later Randy,” he says, “there’s something we gotta take care of.” And with that his bandmates are gone. 

Randy stays seated for a few more minutes, staring at his food. He’s not hungry anymore, that’s for sure, but he can’t bring himself to get up and go anywhere else right now. His mind races with all the possible things Raz’ul, Yashee and Splash could be talking about, and it’s Eddie who highlights the one he fears the most.

“They’re gonna kick you out of the band,” Eddie whispers. “They just can’t handle you and me, Randy, they think they’re better than us. You know they’re wrong, right, Randy? You know we could destroy them easily. Before they destroy us.” Randy shakes his head furiously, covering his ears with his hands. 

“Stop! Stop!” he thinks. “They’re not gonna destroy me! I’m not getting kicked out! Shut up!” He stands up from the table, nearly knocking his tray over. He throws his trash away as quickly as he can and then he’s running out of the cafetorium, back toward the dorms. If his friends want to ignore him on his birthday, then fine, he’ll be ignored. He’s going to lock himself in his room and he won’t come out, no matter what. Eddie’s still trying to talk to him, to tell him lies about his friends, but Randy can’t hear him over the sound of his feet hitting the ground and his heavy breathing. He finally makes it to his room, panting. He pushes open the door--

And is hit in the face with streamers.

“SURPRISE!” A chorus of voices yells at him and he takes a step back. His first instinct is to find a place to hide, but as he takes a closer look at his dorm he can see it’s been totally redesigned. Couches and chairs have been moved and there’s a large table full of food on the far end. Balloons dangle from the ceiling next to more streamers and a brightly colored banner with squiggles on it. And packed together in the small common room are all of Randy’s friends. At the front of the group are Raz’ul, Yashee and Splash, grinning widely. 

Randy can’t do much other than stand and stare. After a long, awkward minute, the rest of Chaos Sauce and Splash’s grins begin to fade. 

“Do you...do you not like it?” Yashee asks, gesturing to the room. “I know you never mentioned a surprise party before, but we thought it’d be fun--”

“Yeah, uh, sneak up on the rogue, you know?” Raz’ul adds. “But maybe it...backfired? A litte?”

“Randy, say something, I’m getting worried,” Splash says. Randy shakes himself a little and finally finds his voice.

“I thought you guys forgot,” he says. Splash turns on Yashee and Raz’ul with a frown.

“When I said, ‘keep it casual, but not too casual,’ I thought you understood what that meant!” he says. Yashee and Raz’ul look sheepish.

“Yeah, I guess we might’ve taken it too far.” Yashee says. “Of course we didn’t forget, Randy.”

“How could we, you mentioned it every five minutes,” Raz’ul mumbles. Randy laughs. He can feel his chest getting lighter and his stomach unknotting itself. Eddie is silent. He looks around the room again--Tabitha, Ilda and even Gareth are here, and tucked in a corner is a pile of present as tall as he is. He laughs again and runs forward, leaping into Yashee’s arms and hugging her. He feels Raz’ul join in on the hug, and Splash awkwardly pats his back. 

“Thanks, you guys,” he whispers. “Best birthday ever.” Yashee puts him back on the ground. Throwing his arms up, he yells, “Let’s get this party started!” His friends cheer and Randy grins. 

“Yeah,” he thinks, “best birthday ever.”


End file.
